Monthly Archives: March 2014

Top five first date locations in Edmonton

In one day it’s April. Trees and flowers all around us will bloom into lusty rainbows and pheromones will hang in the air like a viscous mist. Humans do not have the luxury of wind and bumblebees to deposit genetic material into necessary orifices of even more genetic material, so we must make do with […]

Earth Hour: From 8:30 to 9:30 all crime is legal

Today is everybody’s ninth favourite holiday, Earth Hour*! From 8:30 to 9:30 businesses, people, flora and fauna will hit the dimmer and curb consumption, pledging to use as little electricity as possible. Skyscrapers will loom like blank faced monoliths dark as the night sky. Candles will flicker limply in the shallow spring breeze, mooning the […]

Truth and Reconcilliation: Learn y’r history, everyone

The Truth and Reconciliation event is on it’s last stop, held at the Shaw Conference Centre March 27-30. Accompanying the event are numerous art installations and performances at City Hall, the Stanley Milner Library, the Winspear and the CKUA Radio Building. Go to them if you can, and even if you can’t, go anyway. Despite […]

Movie Review: The Grand Budapest Hotel

Master of horror and carnage Wes Anderson’s latest, The Grand Budapest Hotel, tells the story of an odorous gerontophile working at a luxurious hotel who callously steals priceless works of art, and the bloodshed that follows. Characters are beheaded, shot, stabbed, and mutilated with vigour as we follow hotel concierge Gustave H and his mentee […]

Party in flux: Gatsby, Babar, McDuck, join PC leadership race

A non- refundable $50 000 entrance fee is in place to enter the Progressive Conservative Party’s race for leadership. A representative said the fee was put in place as part of a larger attempt to dispel the ugly rumour that depicts the PC party as an elitist cabal for the super-rich. Bruce Wayne, the famed […]

Dave Hancock sworn in: Meet your new daddy

On Sunday Dave Hancock was sworn in as Alberta’s acting premiere. It is his duty to keep the scandal rusted barge of the PC party on course until it can muster within its scurvy spackled ranks the will to endure a leadership race. But who is this swarthy silver haired politico we are to call […]

Who will replace Redford: Top three predictions

As the giddy Hollywood high of a leader of the land proclaiming “you can’t fire me! I quit!” subsides we find ourselves overcome with the slow comedown of empty sadness. Redford is moving on, and a political party without a leader is like a ship without a figurehead or a hydra with only eight of […]