Monthly Archives: December 2013

Holiday BASE jumping: Frozen in stone by a magic spell for 1000 years

Police have given an individual a $287 fine for BASE jumping from the 118m Pearl Tower, currently under construction. BASE jumping is a coveted truffle to thrillophiles, they who drink adrenaline like tang. An individual, armed only with a parachute, in dread matrimony to air resistance leaps off building, antenna, span, or earth, and flutters […]

Apple advertisement: There are no small roles, only small actors

The fibre optic tentacles of Silicon Valley’s sprawling brain cloud have pawed the world’s heartscreens with a snowstruck ballad of familial love in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord Almighty. Apple Inc. has released an advertisement titled “Misunderstood” that tells the tale of a disengaged adolescent, hungrily eating the light of his […]

Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: The Revengening

The Desolation of Smaug is the second installment of The Hobbit trilogy, based on the novel written by big nerd J.R.R Tolkien. It is the tale of 13 dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard walking to a mountain to kill a dragon and get rich. Director Peter Jackson’s most significant feat with the text is […]

Construction begins on downtown arena

Premature to the slated spring 2014 groundbreaking, construction began on the new downtown arena last Saturday night. Though in its infancy, the developing design has already faced criticism for straying from the initial proposal. The ice surface has been extended far beyond regulation size and, aided by Daryl Katz’s aftermarket Soviet era weather machine, covers […]

#YEG: Edmonton’s prom queen popularity

#YEG (pronounced y-egg, or sometimes yehzzg) was Canada’s second biggest twitter trend in 2013. YEG is the International Air Transport Association airport code for the Edmonton International Airport, and the # sign denotes a tiny railroad track. This is a notable accomplishment. Not since Rush has the patently unsexy sonic garble of an IATA airport […]

Christmas surprise: Empty mailboxes, stockings

Neither sleet nor snow. But what happens when the parliamentary skies rupture in a viscous downpour of austerity? The brave women and men, be-frocked urban foot soldiers of analog communication who delicately stuff the holes of our mailboxes with friends’ words and billers’ regrets are pinned down like scoliosic sauropods in doomsday’s iron rain. A […]

EPS designs uniform hijab: First they came for the bigots

The Edmonton Police Service has designed a hijab headscarf that can be worn with the uniform. EPS’s superintendent Kevin Galvin has this to say Regardless of race, culture, religion, or sexual orientation, it is important that anyone who has a calling to serve and protect Edmontonians, and passes the rigorous recruitment and police training standards, […]